I didn’t read it all but the way it is going sounds great.

Each sentence is well constructed and the scene is set nicely. I don’t know whether you have explained further on in the story about each character and the areas they visit or will, but if you just plan to keep it as a follow up from Dragon ball or linking into the universe, than even if you should ideally know the previous characters, you should give some explanation to them. That way even if the person doesn’t know much about Dragon Ball they will still know some information.

If you have done this than nevermind I thought i’d just point that out.

Could work, it depends which direction you will take the story. Some people think that if you use certain words or put a character in a spooky place it’s a horror story, yet if you want a truly good story that directly follows its genre than i’d advise including everything you can to follow that, this would include dark environments, uncomfortable situations, traumatic experiences.

I’m sure you’ll do fine though you seem to be a good writer. Good luck Flashlock.