ok so i was playing a roblox game called decaying winter and
i said
“yo momma”
simple as that
i didnt direct it towards anyone, just yo momma
and some guy got pressed over it and started being a 6 year old roblox eboy type shit
at least
personality wise
he started trashing me and
he eventually called me a guy and i said, in my mind, calmly “im not a guy”
and then that started the transphobia
he kept on calling me a guy over and over
he eventually called me a trap and that drew the line
and then it escalated to him telling me to fucking kill myself
and i swear to god
that night
that FUCKING night i swear to you
i
almost did
i stopped myself from even touching anything that could harm me though luckily and just went to bed
although i couldnt sleep so i eventually stayed up since for all i cared it didnt fucking matter
nothing did at that moment
its starting to get harder and harder to be myself
when i run into peoplel ike him
of course it isnt all the time but
it isnt even often, it is kind of rare
but when i do
it adds more to the pile
as well as im being kind of pressured a lot to work harder and harder
and its just
i cant really
it makes it a bit worse when my friend who
honestly
it brings me a lot of joy
we voice call and we have a really great time
…
until his sister asks to share the pc and
it sucks since they dont have another one so once her sister asks, hes gone for the rest of the day
and im pretty sure hes 2 hours behind me
or 12 hours or whatever
it becomes so bad that i push myself to stay up until he leaves at 6 am, we get to play for 3 hours and
i do eventually go to sleep which is good
but i dont wanna take a break from joy
im not taking a break from my only source of joy it feels like
i just
dont know what to do anymore its getting harder to
what am i even saying anymore it doesnt matter
im so fucking