little does he know my house is actually a big cardboard cutout

wh..
well i imagine that would clutter the outliner very fast

you should probably merge them all together to the same object, parent that mesh to the rig, and dont select “automatic weights”
when parenting a mesh to a rig, you can either select “automatic weights” or “empty weights”, and when the body parts are all disconnected like this, in most cases you should probably just select empty weights and assign the vertices manually

then go to the vertex groups panel in the object data properties tab, and select a vertex group (there should be a group for each bone in the rig, but only for bones with the “deform” option checked)
in edit mode, select the vertices to be assigned to the group. you can hover over a mesh “island” and press ctrl+L to select every vertex in the island.

if i didnt explain it very well this video should help

is every body part a separate object.

what if godzilla was called freakzilla