Counter Insults:

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“You were a mistake”
Do they have kids?
Yes: “Seems you would know a lot about making mistakes, or were those affairs on purpose?”
No: “Is that the first sentence you heard when you were born?”

“You don’t know your dad”
Are they married?
Yes: “Just like your offspring”
No: “That sentence must sound like a fact, eh?”

“You’re an idiot”
Are they obese/fat?
Yes: “I can change my intelligence but you can’t change that blood sugar”
No: “At least I don’t suffer from malnutrition”

“You’re morbidly obese”
Skinny?
Yes: “Which one of us suffers from malnutrition?”
No: “Seen a mirror lately?”