I understand, I used to be that way and it was pretty bad, here are a few things that have helped me:
But first, you say your suppressing it? That’s not healthy, try and get a notebook or open Google docs and just write down your frustrations, journal that negative energy, i know that may sound insignificant, but trust me it helps, its like venting your frustrations to yourself, and when your done you can actually reread it instead of being stuck in your head about it.

another thing ive learned, is that no matter how hard it is, sometimes you have to let go, and im not going to act like its real easy, its seriously hard, especially if you don’t have experience doing so, like I said journaling will help a lot with this, and it seems like you’re struggling to forgive yourself, I might be wrong there, but give yourself some grace, then maybe it won’t be so hard to let go,

I hope this helps Chevy, and I hope your doing alright.