gosh.
i deleted my post so now i have to rewrite it
i’ll rewrite it one to one

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LOVE OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LOVER BOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY WHAT YOU DOING TONIGHTTTT

how i'm doing mentally :3
Take 3.

blah blah blah blah my parents suck blah blah this world sucks

i feel like i need to explain myself so ill try to the best of my ability. im scared. im anxious and have been on the verge of killing myself all throughout last week. ive also been gender dysphoric and am doubting if i actually am trans. i feel ashamed of myself for even talking about this because i feel like an attention seeker. i dont even feel like trying anymore because at some point ill lose all of this. im a fucking pussy and im scared of everything. my mental health keeps getting worse and worse and now i feel lost

hell yeah preach

gosh now i feel like i need to branch off of this
im already writing a lot so you dont have to read any of this if you dont feel like it, im not gonna force you

im too far gone, i feel like im too far gone atp so im gonna try to break down everything thats happened recently
this might also help me because i need to talk to my therapist soon anyways
how im doing mentally

I genuinely can’t see me going anywhere after 18. As much as I feel like college/uni would be a good candidate for me to get the fuck out of my parent’s house asap, it’s killing me inside knowing that I have to leave. It’s not even a want anymore, I don’t want to leave my parents house anymore; they’re making it so hard for me to just have basic privacy and normalcy that it’s become a need to leave. Last week, I said I was really hyper at the beginning of my log. I was, and my Mom had been telling me all day that I need to calm down. Usually I have these random spurts of energy that come and go, nothing like that. That usually only happens every few months but it’s become more frequent. Like, I was actually completing all of my assignments in class early energetic. Writing a full log in an hour with images and detail and everything energetic, and writing is really hard for me to start.

I’m trying to do as much as I can to explain very elaborately so I can add on to something like this in the future, which I wish I wouldn’t have to do. Worst part is that I technically just came back from my last break and here we are, losing it all over again.

I actually talked to my partner about this. I literally don’t have basic human rights anymore, it feels as if my parents just LOVE selling my personal information to keep me ‘more than safe.’ More than safe being, safe but I can’t have friends. Safe but I can’t be myself. Safe but I don’t feel safe.
Like are you fucking kidding me? Are you purposely trying to get me to kill myself?
I’m so tired of being treated like I’m not a human being, or even like a child. It hurts me every time they say that I dug myself into this hole, which is true, but I’m a fucking kid. I didn’t know any better. I was 11 for fuck’s sake and you’re blaming me for talking to some guy who was three years older than me? When there’s evidence in your face that I said I felt forced but you’re just so FUCKING blind?
(mid way through typing my mom threatened to be the shit out of me so ill continue soon enough :/)

PPPPPRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEACCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Onto actual business, I’m actually fucking losing IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am rapidly losing friends.
One example of this is something I talked about a bit ago.
Basically,

Oops! Getting kicked from my besties server and then getting lied to my face <3
She complains about furries liking furry porn when it’s really not her problem, unless she’s willing to fix that about the community that she’s not apart of that she has a disgust over.

Gives me reasoning.

I respond.

In the past, she hast said she would never stop being my friend for that.

Sorry, I’m ranting but c’mon man.
This happens as lot to me and it always makes me feels so useless.
This alone took me 2 hours to write.
That’s most of what I wanted to get off of my chest.
In summary, I have a fear of losing friends, I’m stressed, I’m scared of everything at this point.
Sorry I’m all over the place, I can’t stick to one thing.

ANYYYYYWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYS NOW TO THE GOOD PART
@ralph fix your damn site manwhore.
Am I wrong for this? Am I wrong for complaining that your site is a cesspool?
You don’t even know how a site works, as you admitted. Can’t tell if you were joking but just installing a plugin seemed to work for like a few years.
I explained it all here I really don’t want to make this post longer than it has to be.

Also, sorry again that I’m super disorganized.

i basically summarized it here so whtver have a good day or something ill recap on this like tomorrow teehee