I own blackpowder weaponry for home defense because modern ammo is way too expensive.

four rebels break into my home at night

Ohgodit’sfinallyhappening

put on my Union Officer uniform, Grab my army issued Musket and sling it to my back.

Twirl my dual Colt Dragoons before holstering them in a cavalry draw

make my way down the stairs to watch as two home invaders try and take my TV off the wall.

sneakily try and ambush the rebels, but my bright blue uniform inmediatly draws their attention to me, making one Dixie with a flashlight turn to face me

Draw my first revolver and fire it into the intuders gut, his blood spews everywhere into the room, as the coned bullet puts a hole trough the drywall

aim my gun at the second intruder to try and hit a fatal shot, but the blood of the first intruder gets into my eyes, and makes me miss the shot, hitting my Television and shattering it into a million pieces

I unholster my second Handgun and start emptying the Akimbo Walkers into the second Traitor

90% of the bullets miss Johnny Reb and make all the furniture in my living room shatter instead

2 bullets manage to hit both his forearms, shattering the bones and forever handicapping him as he cries on the floor in pain

grab my 1860 Springfield Musket and fire it at the third intruder that’s frozen in fear, The bullet hits his head and his brain gets turned into minced meat that splatters all over the wall

the fourth intruder tries to make a run for it

make my way to the kitchen and take the tarp off my Gatling gun

as soon as i turn the crank, 40 bullets penetrate both my walls, and the traitors chest

the stray projectiles hit the car in front of my lawn, penetrating the gasoline port and making it burst into the skies before the police can make it on time

God save the north!