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Keanu Reeves
2020-03-16 22:10:37 UTC Facts about raccoons
1. They fly without wings.
2. They can beat you in a 1v1
3. They are not pussies and will fucking kill you without remorse
4. They are great at t-posing
5. They are the most OP thing in the multi-verse
6. They always have a stand
7. They live in dumpsters so they have a steady food supply
8. The alpha’s are confirmed gods of multiverses
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Theres no cap
And they can fit inside your ass
“The human rectum can stretch up to 9 inches without tearing. A raccoon can fit through holes that are 6 inches or wider. So technically a raccoon could fit up your arse.’
If a squirrel can fit a raccoon can fit
They’ll pull an antman, they go inside your ass and unleash their maximum power making them grow 9x their normal size.
“They can beat you in a 1v1”
*gets out gun*
Not now they can’t!
They’re naturally bullet proof, incase you didnt know
*Gets out broom*
I win
*gets out 2 brooms*
You fool
I eat brooms
*eats brooms like a cracker*
*gets out mega-broom*
*eats broom*
*gets out infinity broom (uneatable)*
*eats anyways*
*gets out lightsaber*
It’s over, Raccoon, I have the high ground!
*eats MAB chicken and eats lightsaber*
No
*The lightsaber and MAB chicken give you
D E E P
I N D I G E S T I O N *
*eats indigestion*
*summons stand*
*eats stand*
*stares in fear and confusion*
*cuts off everything below your waist and then eats you*
(In other words)
*eats you but not in a gay way*
*Calls you gay anyways*
*pulls out book with title ‘5 reasons im not gay and reads it aloud*
*summons stand again and erases the book from existence*
Bro your dead, I already ate you, my stomach acid only takes 1 nanosecond to dissolve and digest things
Haha jokes on you, I don’t even exist!
*eats you anyways*
*Stabs*
NO VORE ALLOWED!
Im naturally bullet proof.
Like a bear
But even stronger
So knifes dont work
*eats you*
*Gets out anti-vore gun*
It’s high fucking noon!
Also, jokes on you, the anti-vore gun doesn’t care about your bulletproof…everything! So haha!
*eats gun*
no
*eats gun anyways*
*removes your head and mocks you*
*eats you*
*screams*
Better response:
*moans*