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I kind of realized sooner after forgetting past incidents and learning my own lessons is the moment my reputation and attention start to crumble and then deep silent of this acc caused me to well grow sense of intense fear of loosing both reputation and attention after the damages were done and its irreversable to fix.
This silence is like quiet homicide to my account which brought me to desperation.
So i might update a little frequent this time and hope for the best try myself to recover this attention without either incidents or sense of concern, since my damages made me quit stick nodes for a right reason and planned out a comeback.
Right now i had to go through instead of trying to fix irreversible consequence.
And some other words: i really hated my old self this fucking much for everything and i kind of proud of my new self hating my old self.
Unless you actually done something bad, as in, bordering on committing a crime or doing something deeply, morally wrong, you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself.
If the only thing you’re judging yourself on is how productive you are, or how cringey you are, or how well known and appreciated you are, than it isn’t fair to be so negatively judgemental. I don’t know how closely related this is to your personal circumstances, but the people who tell you to ‘ kill your old self ‘ are wrong. To be someone different or someone new, requires who you were so that you may learn from mistakes you might’ve made and can grow from who you were. Not destroy who you were, not only would purging any trace of who you were by your personality be contradictory to the process that has lead you to who you are now, but it also serves to be a poison to you, because if you show any amount of reverting back to who you were, it will weigh you down and you will push yourself into a corner trying to meet your own expectations of who you want to be, without considering how far you’ve come. Self-development isn’t destruction, it’s growth, and you need to be able to acknowledge your changes just as must as your desire to welcome change.
Its the bigot poll incident. Long explaination yet short: i got too comfortable using poll for fun and i think without looking out for a risk is. “Is LGBTQ good or bad?” Poll.
This is my first of me-incident but this is my second time i mentioned this so ill be setting this aside and move on normally because the damage was already done to fix, thats why i had to recover my attention by updating bit frequent and random post.
And no, no one told me to kill my old self, its just me hating my old self, the imature self, and here i am, new self just doing my best recovering this acc’s as it was without worrying my crumbling reputation that much. :/