headed to bed for the night, i dont usually say this but i wanted to just have a chit chat about me and how i feel drawn to cities and other stuff, seeing as today (9 minutes ago) is my 3 year anniversary

first up, austin texas and cities

ive travelled to austin texas a few times and its always been amazing
ive seen the scenery, the buildings, the highrise, and all of htat
i feel like i need to live there, something is drawing me to there and i cant explain the feeling i get
when i think of austin, its like i have a crush on a town, but it feels more personal and more specific
it feels like somethings pulling me to live there, but since im a minor and not physically capable of that i cant

and about cities in general, ive always lvoed them
its the way that you can see all the cars moving, people walking across the street or the sidewalks, the apartment or hotel buildings with little lights or with a lot of lights
you look at those windows, you realize that that person has their own life
their own friends, interests, ambitions and its so beautiful
the city is alive, truly physically by the people who make it look nice and spiritually in the sense that every person is, well, a person

i was on a boat ride while i was in austin last time, and there were these people behind us i think talking about their lives
one guy was talking about a clingy friend i think, in which case he wanted to spend his after-work time and rbeak days how he wants and not all the time with his friend
and it was really interesting
i could listen to people talk about their lives all the time, i love listening to people talk about thier lives and their friends
i love trying to help people with their problems and issues
even if i dont have the best advice i still try my best and i think thats what makes advice good (unless you have horrible advice)

ive always dreamed of places like new york city, or tokyo japan
theyre all so beautiful
tokyo with the neon lights, the asian culture and the busy streets full of walking
new york with the new years ball dropping i try to watch every year, with its general just “popular” atmosphere making it seem more dreamy
thinking about it, i think i just feel really trapped
all of my life ive been forced to live in shitty small towns
in fact i was born and raised in a fucking “retirement town” or whatever the fuck
forced to go to a catholic school
i was really sheltered as well
the only time i was able to go to towns was when i was a child for hospital visits or something
it always felt like i was sort of in a box
with that and noone really liking me i just felt really in my own area with noone else to talk to
it didnt make it better that i never had my own room

i think im just ready to start a new life, its something ive been thinking about lately
im gonna get my own room, in a fresh new apartment, ready to start my new life as a teenager
its a new start, moving past all of the shit ive had to deal with the past year
the anniversary of my life turning to shit is right around the corner (august 13th) and im so ready to forget all of that
im going to start high school next year and while not in person yet because of my brace clothing limits, ill officially be a teenager
ill officially be on the first steps of my journey to finding my place and becoming an astronaut, and hopefully living in a city
im so ready to be an adult and do my own things for a change, and while i know ill have stress like bills on top of that causing me to make an edgy tiktok saying something like ” the worst thing i could have thought was “i cant wait to be an adult”” im just so ready to start this journey, and i cant believe im doing it with you guys

speaking of you guys, i actually fucking love you guys so much
you guys are my favorite people and im so happy to be experiencing life with you guys
to name some (all) people,

@giganshowaera you were one of the first people i think i talked to, and ralph had to say something like “be nice to new users” or something, and now your elike a brother to me
seeing your stuff is always really cool and its so awesome to see what you can accomplish, and its so nice to hear that you actually got bitches instead of the rest of us

@infiniteguess while we dont talk much, youre a really cool user
thank you for remaking my character, and thank you for spending time with me, even if little
like the time on biscuits realm

@salamanderdude while ive only come to talk to you recently, youre a genuinely awesome person and i cant express how much i care for you as should be said with everyone
youre a really funny and lighthearted person and its just so cool to see

@mannyanims youre one of the coolest people ever, and im so excited that i get to share life with you
youre funny, quick witted and an awesome person to begin with, and i just enjoy your presence

@/scarlettamber i dont wanna @ you cause youll probably get mad at me but you really inspire me to make music
i listen to your stuff sometimes and it inspires me to use programs like ultrabox to make music, and its inspired me to learn music theory
knowing that anyone can do it, it inspires me
you also influenced my love for scott pilgrim i think, which is waesome

@stickguy i enjoy your presence and its really a light of my day knowing that if noones gonna like my post, i have you to like it for them
while you dont have hte highest rank on sticknodes as if htere were ranks, you still have likes that mean more than likes from say, arcionek or something

@anomalyalt15 thank you thank you so much
you really inspired me to start writing and because of you including me in things, writing things and letting me be apart of the process ive now started to write my own things and its been so much fun, especially getting to share it with you
youre genuinely so awesome nomsy, thank you

@viberater im such a fan of you as a person, spending time with you, having you on my smp, and generally just hanging out and having fun
while im a little chaotic andstuff, you match my energy perfectly and its so fun to talk to you

@asry i want to start off by apologizing for the fights we can get in, because youre an awesome person and with you on the smp, like any person i want to make you happy, and make sure that your time there is the best
i really hope that you recover from your dio head parasite thing or whatever it is affecting your intestines, id hate to lose you

@tomzonia having someone i can relate to on such a personal level is really cool, and sometimes it feels like youre a mirror of me
in personality, in voice, you just make me feel proud to be me and to show that off to everyone, knowing that youre as confident as you are

@me-thatswho-2 first off, youre the only femboy i like so thats going for something
im really happy that youve drawn me stuff
ive said everything i need to say to everyone else and im running out of stuff to say!!!

@beginninganimator
coll, i really miss you
you were one of the first friends on this site and i hate the fact that youve disappeared from everywhere and everything, not even nosh can contact you
i really miss hanging out with you and ifeel like you leaving has affected everyone, especially the roblox friends
im not gonna get into htat, but i just thought that youd like to know that youre missed
please be okay, and dont use like the leaivvng to be a better person thing as a coverup for suicide

i think that wraps up about everyone i know on a personal level
oh wait

@tastylemon16 youve been one of the coolest people and something i said before that i still believe now is
when you think of moderators on a discord servr or a site or something, you think of them as cold and like, not willing t obudge
or at least i do
and then you turn up with the fact that youre super nice to everyone, helping out people and enforcing the rules whenn necessary

thank you to everyone for supporting me on everything, and even when ive been an insufferable bitch, youve stuck with me through all of it! youve been there when im pissed off beyond belief, when im about to actually fucking cry, and youve been there at my highest and lowest and im so glad to call this place a home
i cant imagine a life without you guys, as thats just how it feels being here