• Profile picture of Jadey M.

    Jadey M.occifercrusaderuc-votersubscribermaster-noderuc-winner-lvl2 2020-09-06 10:55:55 UTC

    Repost because the older post has some errors. I’m trying to expand the script because Vincent and Thoughts saying that the old one was too fast. It’s boring too. So here’s an updated script, with Episode 2’s script as well. Yeah, the word ā€œfuckā€ probably exist in the 20s and the 30s, but they are rarely spoken. In the 40s, it’s common. I’ve added some Italian word on the script too, so it has more ā€œItalian tasteā€. What do you guys think?

    Probably a spoiler, but this series will be underrated, I believe. Especially with my channel that has 21 subs now.

    EPISODE 1: THE DAY THAT CHANGED MY LIFE

    Act 1:

    Giuseppe: Hey, Pop. Are you okay? Ah, this sick bastard tries to shoot you in the head.

    Salvatore: Yes, I’m fine, no scratches, no wounds. That’s some good throw, sonny.

    Giuseppe: Phew, I’m glad nothin’ happened to you, Pop.

    Salvatore: Wait. How did you get here? The gate supposed to be locked.

    Giuseppe: Some guy opened the gate up, luckily I knocked ‘im out cold. I think we should get out of here. I’ll find one of the cars and try to start them.

    Salvatore: Wait, here. Just in case someone is trying to shoot you.

    Giuseppe: Yeah, thanks. I’ll get going. Keep an eye out for the goons.

    Salvatore: Okay.

    Act 2:

    Giuseppe: Damn these guys, shooting this harbor without any goddamn reason. Cars, cars, where are you car- goddammit!

    Gangster 1: There he is, get him.

    Giuseppe: Shit!

    Gangster 2: Hey, bastard. You won’t escape from this place alive.

    Giuseppe: What in the hell do you want from me. Huh?!

    Gangster 1: Don Romano is pretty pissed off with you. Don’t try to escape.

    Gangster 2: Yeah, we will torture you because you’re not paying for every business you messed.

    Giuseppe: Yeah?! Now get me, figlio di puttana (son of a bitch)!

    Gangster 2: He-he, die- *pain sound*

    Gangster 1: Lucio! Ah, you killed him, you swine! I’ll shoot your brains out!

    Giuseppe: Try me now, you bastard.

    Gangster 1: Shit, no ammo! Drop your heater and fight like a tough guy!

    Giuseppe: I’m gonna make you cry to your mama.

    Gangster 1: Don’t mess with me.

    Act 3:

    Giuseppe: It’s always easy. Stupid prick. Finally, I got one.

    Gangster 3: There you are, prepare for *pain sound*

    Giuseppe: Ah, I hope things go better after this.

    Act 4:

    Giuseppe: Hey, Pop. get in, we’re goin’ home.

    Salvatore: Okay, let’s go- *pain sound*

    Giuseppe: Pop! Goddamit you son of a bitch.

    Gangster 4: Let’s go, let’s go.

    Giuseppe: Pop! Dammit! P-p-please Pop. Stay with me, please.

    Salvatore: Son, you remembered- *cough* -what I said about- *cough* -Uncle?

    Giuseppe: Please don’t leave me, Pop.

    Salvatore: Tell him- *cough* -that I- *cough*Ā  -was wrong-*cough*

    Giuseppe: Pop? Pop? POP?! Ah, goddamnit! What should I do now? That son of a bitch should burst in goddamn flames, THAT GODDAMN ASSHOLE! Huh?

    Giuseppe (In mind): I should kill him.

    Giuseppe: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! Dammit. *heavy breathing*

    Act 5:

    Giuseppe: You wanna know something about the guy that killed my father? Well, he’s a senior capo in the Romano Crime Family. That asshole, he deserved what I’ve done to him back in ’37. He was killed with his own weapon in his own house. His house exploded, and they found his burnt body with his neck sliced.

    Son: Pa, c’mon. That’s too brutal, even the St. Valentine Massacre wasn’t that brutal. Anyway, what happened after that?

    Giuseppe: Actually I wanted to visit your Uncle Carter during that day for another shooting practice. He’s a good gunner, actually, but he didn’t use American weapons like Tommy and things. He has a Kar98k in his house but now used for hunting in Oregon. I haven’t seen him for 2 years now. I don’t know if he was killed or something.

    Son: By the way, I think I should drink something. Um…Cathy, can you make a cup of coffee for me?

    Cathy: Of course. I’ll do it.

    Son: Thanks, sis. By the way, how many people did you kill in your lifetime?

    Giuseppe: I don’t know, probably a hundred or two.

    Son: Damn, that’s a lotta blood you spilled.

    Giuseppe: Kill for your loved ones, you know? You won’t let your old man killed by some guy and then just leave them.

    Son: What happened after that?

    Giuseppe: Nothing happened after that until 1930. Carter and I were pulling a heist back then and we’ve got the money. Guys from Romano trapped us in an alley. Luckily, we were being able to knock ’em all off.

    -The End-

    EPISODE 2: THE FIGHT IN THE ALLEY

    Act 1:

    Giuseppe (1955) : I’ve destroyed a lot of shops back in ’27. My uncle is a Capo in DeLuca Crime Family. Me and Carter extorted a shop in the first day we’ve met. Yeah, anyway. About the fight in the alley, we were trying to escape from the cops, but the Romano guys found us first.

    Carter: So Joe. do you have any plans about this bag?

    Giuseppe: No, I don’t have one, but I think I should buy myself a bread or something.

    Carter: C’mon, you can spend them for better things.

    Giuseppe: Anyway, I should buy a bread from Gianni because I’m hungry now.

    Carter: Yeah, let’s go. I’m pretty hungry.

    Act 2:

    Giuseppe: Take cover!

    Carter: What’s goin’ on?

    Giuseppe: I think they’re from Romano. Don’t let them see your face.

    Gangster 1: Hey you bastard. Remember your pop? You are gonna lie next to him.

    Giuseppe: You fucker! Don’t say anything about my pop or you’re gonna suffer blood loss!

    Gangster 2: Then come out! We’ll settle this today!

    Giuseppe: Uccidetemi ora, codardi! (Kill me now, cowards).

    Act 3:

    Giuseppe: I think that’s all of ’em. Let’s get outta here.

    Carter: Yeah, let’s go to Gianni. I’m getting hungry from all this fightin’

    Giuseppe: Damn, how did they know we were here?

    Carter: Don’t know anything about it. Probably because of patrols here, probably.

    Giuseppe: You got a point, let’s go. We should steal one of these cars they own.

    Carter: You’ll drive, Joe.

    Giuseppe: Fine, I’m the one who wants to go to Gianni today.

    Act 4:

    Giuseppe: You talked to your pop lately?

    Carter: Yeah, I have.

    Giuseppe: Poor old timer. He spends his time in prison because of his bootlegging business. I hope he’ll be free soon.

    Carter: Well, let’s stop talkin’ about this. Wait, pull over here. I need to make a call.

    Giuseppe: For who?

    Carter: Your uncle, of course. He’s sure as hell wanna know about them Romano scums. I’ll go out.

    Giuseppe: Okay.

    Carter: Hey, uncle. Some Romano’s trying to beat on us today.

    Uncle Aldo: What happened?

    Carter: I don’t know, but-

    Giuseppe: Carter! We got more company!

    Carter: Shit, see you soon.

    Uncle: What is happening? Carter? Carter, hello? Ah…

    Act 5:

    Giuseppe: How the hell did they find us quickly?!

    Carter: Move, I’ll shoot!

    Giuseppe: Take my gun at the back. There’s some ammo on the seat.

    Carter: C’mon fellas, show us what you’ve got.

    Giuseppe: Carter! Another on the front!

    Giuseppe: I have an idea to swerve these guys. Get inside.

    Carter: What is it? Shit, we’re not going to jump, right?

    Giuseppe: Hang on!

    Carter: Whoooaaaaa!

    Giuseppe: Ah, dammit!

    Act 6:

    Giuseppe: Carter, are you okay?

    Carter: Ow, never done that before, Joe. Let’s get out of here.

    Giuseppe: Let’s go. Ahh…damn. Today’s the worst day I’ve ever faced.

    Act 7:

    Giuseppe: Let’s take one of these cars. This one here. Looks like a good replacement.

    Carter: We should go to uncle first, I think. How does it feel?

    Giuseppe: What?

    Carter: To escape a car chase but crashed?

    Giuseppe: Hell, it could be worse, at least we escaped.

    Carter: Heh, You were right.

    I think I’ve made Carter’s script that he looks like a random newbie, even though he’s a criminal for 3 years, in 1930. Pls don’t kill me @reignraider

    6
    • ngl i didn’t read all that but browsed through a few bits

      good dialogue (and 10/10 names…well, mainly just Giuseppe that’s like the best name ever it’s so fun to say)

      (like squirrel)

      anyway what was i saying

      oh, you’re putting a LOT of work into this and i hope u stick with it and it turns out well

      just make sure to balance out text heavy scenes/plot development (necessary) with appropriate amount of eye candy and action

      also while having text not stick around on screen *too long* is good, i think in you 1 min teaser it was a tad too fast, also mayhaps chill a bit with the camera panning back-and-forth so much during talking

      just throwing out what was on my mind sorry if coming out as just negative i don’t mean it that way lol
      just trying to offer some unsolicited advice

      2020-09-06 11:36:46 UTC 3
    • Nice! Also prob should’ve mentioned that I made Carter’s dad a nazi in his original backstory

      2020-09-06 15:25:37 UTC 0