• Profile picture of that alien dude

    that alien dudesubscriberocciferpro-noder 2022-01-22 17:55:49 UTC

    User Banned

    I’m not good at writing a story is his lore ok so far? This is just the lore behind how and why he became a assassin

    1
    • Kind of hard to tell when he became an assassin.

      The lack of grammar also makes this kind of hard to read.

      There’s also unnecessary text such as:

      “Blah blah blah” “got the milk-” and etc.

      What I think you should do is make him seem more like an alien, as if he’s from a different planet. The idea of his liking for a kind of genre is kind of unique imo. I think it’s fine if you keep that but you have to pay attention to other details.

      Also, the idea of him watched videos to learn how to become an assassin is sort of boring. Try something as if he was trained by a head-alien of his civilization or something similar.

      Maybe you should focus on what his civilization is, and details such as what planet he’s from and etc.

      2022-01-22 17:59:55 UTC 5
      • Replying to: ColloKind of hard to tell when he became an assassin. The lack o

        I knew I forgot some detail I’ll update it

        2022-01-22 18:06:13 UTC 1
    • That gave backstory on literally everything BUT how he became an assassin. There’s no motive or explanation.

      Also, you should hire an editor for the grammar and stuff.

      I’d recommend giving a little more story on why he is what he is, and what his motivation is.

      2022-01-22 18:18:30 UTC 4
      • Replying to: teo diggity danThat gave backstory on literally everything BUT how he becam

        HEY I’m updating it as we speak

        2022-01-22 18:24:19 UTC 1