• Profile picture of Stupid abandoned account

    Stupid abandoned account changed their profile picture 2022-11-13 19:58:20 UTC

    • Minions.

      Minions have been on this

      planet far longer than we have.

      They go by many names.

      Dave, Carl, Paul, Mike.

      Oh, that one is Norbert.

      He’s an idiot.

      They’re all different,

      but they all share the same goal.

      To serve the most despicable

      master they could find.

      Boss!

      Making their master happy was the

      tribe’s very reason for existence.

      But that’s not to say that they

      didn’t have other passions.

      Huh?

      Finding a boss was easy.

      But keeping a boss,

      therein lies the rub.

      Nope,

      it wasn’t easy for these guys.

      But they never gave up.

      With the emergence

      of the Stone Age

      came the rise of a new species.

      Man was very different

      from the dinosaur.

      He was shorter, hairier,

      and way, way smarter.

      The Minions took

      an instant liking to man,

      and helped him

      the best they could.

      Oh, no, no.

      Eh?

      Poor man.

      So trusting, so fragile.

      So, so delicious!

      Their quest for a boss put

      the Minions front and center

      for some of civilization’s

      most historic moments.

      Anubis!

      Ancient Egypt

      held great promise.

      Okay! Pancake!

      But it didn’t last long.

      Hmm. Oh!

      Ow!

      The Dark Ages were

      actually fun times.

      Their new master had a tendency

      to party all night

      and sleep all day.

      Ooh!

      Oh.

      But eventually,

      the party was over.

      They bounced from

      one evil boss to another,

      but they never seemed

      to find their perfect fit.

      One particular employer took

      their failure very, very badly.

      Huh?

      The Minions had no other

      choice but to keep moving.

      Oh.

      And then,

      when all hope seemed lost,

      they found sanctuary.

      The Minions were safe!

      Years passed as the Minions

      forged their own civilization.

      They truly made

      a life for themselves.

      But something just wasn’t right.

      They felt empty inside.

      Without a master,

      they had no purpose.

      They became aimless

      and depressed.

      If this continued any longer,

      the Minions would perish.

      But all was not lost

      for one Minion had a plan.

      His name was Kevin.

      He was excited to share

      his idea with the tribe.

      He’d been preparing

      for days, weeks, months.

      But now he was ready.

      Buddies!

      Kevin would leave the cave…

      …go back

      to the outside world,

      and he would not return

      until he had found his tribe

      the biggest,

      baddest villain to serve.

      But he needed help.

      Me!

      Bob was eager to go,

      but Kevin felt he was

      just not strong enough

      for the dangerous journey ahead.

      Uh, no.

      Luckily, someone stepped up.

      Stuart!

      Huh? Me, me?

      Oh! Thank you.

      Truth be told, Stuart had

      no idea what he was chosen for…

      …but was thrilled it

      made people cheer for him.

      Thank you.

      Me!

      Eh, okay.

      Eventually,

      Bob’s energy and enthusiasm,

      but mostly lack of other volunteers,

      changed Kevin’s mind.

      The tribe said their farewells.

      Kevin had given them something they

      hadn’t had in a very long time.

      Hope.

      Bob!

      Hey, Tony!

      Tom…

      Chris…

      Hey, Bob.

      Oh.

      Bye-bye.

      Kevin felt pride.

      He was going to be

      the one to save his tribe.

      Stuart felt hungry mostly.

      He was going to be the one

      to eat this banana.

      And Bob…

      Bob was frightened

      of the journey ahead.

      Ah. Okay.

      Okay. Okay.

      And they were off.

      Off to find their new boss!

      Huh? Kevin!

      Huh?

      Huh? Banana!

      Uh, Stuart?

      Banana. Banana!

      Ugh! Ugh! Stuart!

      Stopa!

      Uh, Bob! Stopa!

      Huh? Oh!

      Bob!

      Huh?

      Uh, no, no.

      No, no. No, no, no.

      Profiterole.

      No, no, no!

      Stuart…

      Ah!

      Oh, look at that one!

      Whoa!

      Peace!

      Make love, not war!

      Peace and love!

      Boo-ya!

      Boo-ya! Boo-ya!

      Hey, hey, hey, oh.

      Kashmiri?

      – Boo-ya!

      – Boo-ya! Boo-ya!

      Oh.

      Banana!

      – Hey! Hey, taxi!

      – Hey! Hey!

      Oh.

      Hey, hey, hey, hey!

      Banana! Hey, hey!

      Stuart! Hey, oh!

      Kevin!

      Bob!

      Oh. Bello!

      Bob!

      Huh? Oh.

      Ah! Bob!

      Huh? Whoa!

      Women’s bell bottoms

      and tie-dye shirts marked down.

      Check out our wide selection

      of go-go boots and miniskirts.

      Bob!

      Okay.

      Huh?

      Bob!

      The store is now closing.

      Hey, what are you doing?

      Bob!

      Give me that!

      Kevin!

      Oh. Oh.

      Ah.

      Huh?

      Oh.

      Oh. Hey!

      …buddies.

      No? Oh.

      Bob! Bob!

      Oh.

      Oh.

      Tim.

      Oh!

      Me Tim!

      Mmm, thank you! Hmm?

      …Stuart?

      Uh, nah.

      Okay, okay.

      Oh. “Dating game.”

      Okay.

      And welcome back

      to The Dating Game!

      Well, Jennifer…

      …have you decided

      which of these three gentlemen

      you’ll go on a date with?

      Is it Bob?

      Yeah! Go, Bob!

      Kevin?

      Kevin!

      Or will it be Stuart?

      Oh. Yo, Stuart!

      Gosh! This is so hard!

      They all sounded so cute.

      Um, I think I’m gonna go with…

      Stuart.

      VNC!

      You’re watching the top-secret

      Villain Network Channel.

      If you tell anyone,

      we’ll find you.

      Huh!

      Sponsored by Villain-Con,

      for 89 years straight,

      the biggest

      gathering of criminals anywhere!

      Big boss.

      Attend guest lectures

      from esteemed villains,

      make contacts in

      the underworld community,

      and for the first time anywhere,

      Scarlet Overkill!

      Evil.

      So evil.

      Criminal genius!

      Hey, a girl’s gotta

      make a living!

      – Move aside, men!

      – Make way.

      There’s a new bad man in

      town… SCARLET:
      Excuse me.

      …and that man is a woman!

      Crime isn’t pretty!

      It’s red hot!

      Get to Villain-Con

      this weekend.

      Only at 545 Orange Grove Avenue in Orlando,

      Florida.

      So much fun, it’s a crime.

      Oh! Villain-Con, Orlando.

      Whoo-hoo!

      Bello! Uh, Orlando?

      Ugh.

      – Hey, uh…

      – Orlando?

      Oh, hello.

      Orlando?

      Uh-huh. Ah, okay.

      Thank you, baby! Bye-bye!

      Ah.

      Orlando!

      Hey, Stuart…

      Oh, yeah! Far out!

      Love is the way, brother!

      Ah!

      Eh, no, no, no, no, no, Kevin.

      Hmm.

      Hey! Stopa! Stopa! Stopa!

      Stopa! Ugh!

      Stuart…

      Oh…

      Oh, Walter, look!

      These adorable little freaks

      are headed to Orlando, too!

      Yeah, I see that!

      Hey, Walter Junior!

      What’s happenin’?

      Tina.

      Hi!

      Binky.

      Mmm, mmm.

      What do you say we give

      these fellows a ride?

      Yay! New friends!

      All aboard the Nelson Express!

      You, one-eye!

      You’re sitting next to me!

      Okay.

      Stuart!

      Glad we came along before

      some weirdos picked you up!

      Who wants apple slices?

      Ah, ah! Ooh, ooh!

      Oh, you, too!

      Growing boy-like creatures

      need their strength.

      Okay.

      Heck, yeah!

      Thanks, man!

      All righty! Who needs

      to stretch their legs?

      Yeah!

      Yes! Me, me, me!

      Sweet!

      You guys wait here, we’ll be right back.

      Okay, Nelsons, let’s do this!

      Go, go, go!

      Okey-dokey. On the road again.

      Dad! We got company!

      It’s because I tripped

      the alarm. I stink!

      Hey, we all make mistakes, sugarplum.

      You’re still learning.

      Huh! What?

      – Your father’s right, Tina.

      – Reload!

      He wasn’t this good

      at being evil overnight!

      Reload!

      Your time’s coming.

      It’s jammed!

      Huh?

      Okay, who did that?

      – Uh… Stuart!

      – Huh?

      That was great!

      Thank you!

      Say, fellas,

      can we get personal for just a second?

      Why are you going to Orlando?

      Come on. You can tell us.

      You’re going to Villain-Con, aren’t you?

      Villain-Con.

      Villain-Con.

      Wow! So many bad guys

      in the car. What fun!

      I knew it! I knew you were villains!

      Didn’t I, honey?

      What a small world!

      Hope we’re not in rival gangs.

      Binky! Joke!

      Babies, huh?

      Yay.

      Big boss!

      When we get to Orlando,

      I’m gonna get all my favorite

      villains to sign my magazine!

      Dumo the Sumo!

      Boss!

      Oh, Kevin, you don’t wanna work for him!

      He ate his last henchmen!

      Uh…

      Frankie Fish Lips.

      He lives in the ocean.

      Boss?

      Oh…

      Can you breathe underwater?

      Uh, so-so.

      Oh, oh, oh!

      Look at her!

      Scarlet Overkill!

      The coolest super-villain,

      like, ever!

      She started out as your average

      little girl, braces, pigtails.

      But by the time she was 13,

      she built a criminal empire!

      If I was a Minion,

      that’s who I’d want to work for!

      Oh.

      Here we are!

      Beautiful Orlando!

      Yeah! We’re here!

      Orlando!

      Hey, gang, watch this!

      Welcome to Billy

      Bob’s Bait Shop. How can I help you?

      Yeah, hi.

      Uh…

      We’re here for, uh,

      so much fun, it’s a crime.

      Whoo-hoo!

      Villain-Con!

      All right!

      Here we go!

      Well, this is it!

      I wanna tell you, and I really mean this.

      I really appreciate what you did

      back there with the cops.

      Really!

      Dad!

      It’s Frankie Fish Lips!

      I can smell him from here!

      Junior!

      Get my camera!

      Good luck in there, boys!

      I hope you find what

      you’re looking for!

      Bye!

      Villain-Con!

      Yeah!

      Villain-Con!

      Whoo!

      Okay!

      Oh!

      Any evil talents?

      Not bad.

      What about you?

      Any evil talents?

      Uh…

      Bello! La, la, la!

      La, la, la!

      Eh?

      That’s not evil or a talent.

      Bello!

      Ha-ha!

      No?

      I’m sorry!

      But I’m not looking for any more servants,

      for I, Professor Flux,

      have invented

      the world’s first time machine!

      Every time I visit the future,

      I bring my future self back to help me.

      Hello!

      Oh.

      Move that over there,

      Professor Flux from two weeks from now.

      As you can see,

      I don’t need any help.

      Oh, way to go, guys.

      We killed the original!

      Please!

      Eh…

      Villain-Con presents our keynote speaker,

      Scarlet Overkill!

      The world’s first

      female super-villain!

      Appearing right now in Hall H!

      Bob! Stuart! Buddies! Hey!

      Buddies!

      Scarlet?

      Kevin!

      Are you ready…

      Yeah!

      …for Scarlet Overkill!

      Doesn’t it feel

      so good to be bad?

      Scarlet! Scarlet!

      Scarlet! Yes!

      Whoo! Whoo!

      Whoo!

      Whoa.

      Whoo-hoo!

      Awesome!

      Yeah!

      Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

      Wow! Thank you!

      Scarlet!

      Scarlet!

      Thank you so much!

      Okay.

      Ah.

      When I started out,

      people said a woman

      could never rob

      a bank as well as a man!

      Well, times change!

      I love you, Scarlet!

      Look at all those

      faces out there!

      We are all so different!

      But we have one thing in common.

      We were born with flippers!

      No? Just me? Okay.

      We have big dreams!

      And we will do anything

      to make them come true!

      Have any of you ever dreamt

      of working for the greatest

      super-villain of all time?

      Yeah!

      Whoo-hoo!

      Well, what if I were to tell you

      that I am looking

      for new henchmen?

      Hey, boss! Boss!

      I truly believe

      somewhere out there

      is a villain with the

      potential to serve greatness!

      And it could be any of you.

      Whoa!

      Although,

      let’s not kid ourselves.

      Truly, the only men for this

      job are Kevin and his Minions!

      – Huh? But… But…

      – Ten times the evil

      in half the package!

      I am just in awe!

      Let’s hear it for Kevin.

      He saved his tribe!

      Kevin! Kevin! Kevin!

      Kevin! Kevin!

      Kevin… Hey! Kevin. Hey. Hey!

      Argh!

      So, how should we

      do this? Hmm.

      Oh.

      You see this

      tiny little trinket?

      Well, just take it from my hand

      and you’ve got the job.

      No big deal,

      it’s almost too simple.

      Uh…

      Oh, come on!

      Don’t be afraid.

      Just take the stone and get that job!

      Come on!

      Oh, okay.

      …Boss!

      That job is mine!

      Ooh!

      Now go easy on me.

      Whoops!

      Love the costume!

      Ha!

      Uh…

      So cool!

      Tim? Tim!

      Uh…

      Oh, no, Bob!

      Ah! Tim! Tim!

      Is no one good enough?

      Bob!

      I got it!

      I got it!

      Ah!

      Didn’t my speech inspire anyone

      to rise up and

      prove themselves worthy?

      All these villains and

      yet I still have the bear.

      Stuffed bear!

      Why am I holding a bear?

      Who has the ruby?

      Wow! Who…

      Who are you, my knights in shining denim?

      …Stuart.

      …Bob.

      Minions!

      That was incredible!

      Behold! The last

      creatures you’d expect

      to win the day have emerged victorious!

      – Everyone, meet my new henchmen.

      – The Minions!

      Kumbaya!

      Kumbaya! Kumbaya!

      Kumbaya!

      Hey! I know those guys!

      I gave them a ride here!

      Whoo-hoo!

      Whoo-hoo-hoo!

      Buckle up, boys!

      Next stop, England.

      Oh…

      Bello?

      Hey, Kevin! Eh?

      Boss? In England?

      Nah, Boss!

      Ah, uh… Bello, Kevin?

      …England?

      – Uh-huh.

      – …Boss?

      Scarlet Popapil. Ah.

      – Bello? Bello!

      – Bello?

      Oh!

      Wow!

      Ah!

      Here we go! There.

      By the way,

      I really like your bear.

      Herb! My baby!

      You know I am!

      How’d it go?

      Were you evil?

      So evil!

      Oh!

      A little bird dropped

      this off today.

      It’s me,

      I’m the “H.”

      Also, there was no bird.

      Also me.

      Herb, seriously,

      I wanna dig up that William Shakespeare

      so he can see

      what true writing is.

      I love it!

      Ah, that works out because I love…

      Well, I love… too.

      Ah, the love, ah!

      Oh! Oh, ah.

      Oh, boys,

      could you come here, please?

      Meet my husband, Herb.

      Inventor, super genius, fox.

      Herb, these are

      the new recruits.

      Kevin, Stuart, and that

      cute little one is Bob.

      Hey, bello!

      Right on!

      You guys are crazy little and way yellow,

      and I dig that!

      Sweet, man!

      Ah, ah.

      Whoa!

      I know, right?

      Ah!

      Just a few things I

      stole to help fill the void.

      Whoa!

      …mega ukulele!

      Checkin’ out my can?

      We stole that

      because finally someone

      expressed my love of

      soup in painting form.

      Wow!

      Ooh!

      Okay, listen up!

      It is time to get down to business.

      Do you know who this is?

      Uh…

      This is Queen Elizabeth,

      ruler of England.

      Oh, I love England.

      The music, the fashion.

      I’m seriously thinking about

      overthrowing it someday.

      Ooh!

      Anyway,

      this pale drink of water oversees it all.

      I’m her biggest fan,

      love her work!

      And I really, really,

      really want her crown.

      Steal me the crown

      and all your dreams come true.

      Respect! Power!

      Banana!

      Banana!

      Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

      Ha!

      Henry!

      …England. Uh…

      …England…

      Oh, uh…

      Hmm.

      Heh.

      – Wow!

      – Whoa.

      Ooh-la-la.

      No!

      Oh, no.

      Don’t get too close, boys.

      When it’s completed,

      it’ll be my ultimate weapon.

      But right now, it’s leaking radiation

      like you would not believe!

      So, you’re here for gear.

      Whoa!

      Bob, Robert, Bobby, my boy.

      You get

      my far-out stretch suit.

      Wow!

      Kevin, Kev-bo,

      Seventh Kevin,

      you are the proud owner

      of my lava lamp gun.

      Ah?

      This baby shoots actual lava!

      Ooh!

      Pretty cool, right?

      And finally, Stu. Stu-art,

      Stu-perman, Beef Stu.

      I got you the coolest invention,

      probably ever.

      Oh.

      Hypno-hat!

      Uh, oh.

      Uh…

      You can use it to

      hypnotize anyone. Anyone!

      Oh, you look so great!

      I feel like a proud mama

      with three

      dashing evil sons.

      Uh, Scarlet, Scarlet…

      No, no. Don’t say anything.

      I won’t understand.

      It’s getting late. You’ve had a

      big day, you must be exhausted!

      Boing, boing, boing,

      boing, boing…

      Wow! These cats

      are pumped!

      Well, maybe I’ll settle them

      down with a bedtime story?

      Ha-ha!

      How does that sound, Bob?

      Bob. Bob! Bob!

      Oh! Bedtime porry?

      That is a groovy idea!

      I’ll go get some cookies and warm milk.

      This is gonna be so fun!

      …bedtime porry.

      Oh, yes, I’ve got a really,

      really good bedtime porry.

      Once upon a time,

      there were three little pigs.

      One fateful day, the pigs

      encountered a big, bad wolf…

      …who had a wonderful

      surprise for them!

      The wolf offered the three

      piggies and all their friends

      a job working for her.

      Everyone would be so happy!

      All the three

      little piggies had to do

      was just steal one little crown

      that the beautiful wolf

      had wanted

      ever since she was

      a penniless little street cub,

      unloved and abandoned.

      But that crown would mean

      she was a princess,

      and everybody loves a princess!

      So the wolf sent the piggies

      to get that crown.

      But the little pigs

      weren’t up to the challenge.

      They failed their mission.

      So the wolf huffed and puffed, and she

      blew them off the face of the earth!

      Yo, po, po!

      The end.

      Good luck getting that crown tomorrow,

      little piggies.

      I know you won’t disappoint me.

      Um.

      Okay.

      …Scarlet.

      Which way is the loo, please?

      Hmm.

      Oh, thank you.

      Ah.

      Bello.

      – Uh…

      – …please.

      You’re not allowed in without an adult.

      Scram, hooligans!

      Oh.

      Uh, mm.

      Ooh…

      Oh, la…

      Stuart…

      How many tickets, please?

      …please.

      …please.

      Enjoy yourself, love.

      Thank you!

      It was nowhere near Hyde Park!

      Bob’s your uncle.

      Huh, hmm.

      Okay.

      Okay.

      Huh? Ah!

      He-hey.

      Okay.

      Hey!

      What are you doing here?

      This is a restricted area!

      Hands in the air!

      No…

      Stop that!

      Get back.

      Yay!

      Ah!

      Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

      Bob, Stuart…

      So…

      So, you came for

      the Queen’s crown, did you?

      Well, you’re gonna

      have to get through me!

      The Keeper of the Crown!

      Ow! Hey!

      You think it’s funny to mock the elderly,

      do you?

      Uh…

      I’ve been up here for decades,

      just waiting for someone to try

      and steal the Queen’s treasure!

      Okay.

      What are you saying?

      Never mind, don’t care!

      Oh, no!

      Oh, no, you don’t!

      Oh, flippin’ heck!

      What’s goin’ on?

      Bob…

      Eh… Hmm.

      Wow.

      Hello!

      Huh?

      Hello!

      Stone the crows!

      Stop him, lads!

      Wait!

      Go for the legs!

      Gordon Bennett!

      Kevin!

      The Queen’s

      been kidnapped, Sarge!

      Blimey!

      Hyah! Hyah!

      Ooh!

      Ha! Boo-ya!

      Huh. Hyah! Hyah!

      What’s going on?

      Bello!

      Oh, my goodness!

      – Whoa!

      – Ha-ha!

      No!

      Gentlemen do not steal ladies’ crowns!

      Huh? Hmm?

      Huh?

      Oh, no, no, no, no, no!

      Oh, dear!

      Ah! Ahhh!

      Yeah!

      You scoundrel!

      After them! Uh-oh.

      Stop the blighter!

      Go on, grab him!

      Huh?

      Huh? Oh.

      Cor, blimey!

      One of England’s most famous

      myths has become a reality

      as a new king has been crowned.

      Bob, who appears to be

      a bald, jaundiced child,

      has pulled the famed sword

      right from its stone,

      which, legend dictates,

      makes him the new king.

      Tiny yellow traitor!

      England!

      England! England!

      England!

      England! England!

      England! England…

      Ha, ha!

      Bello!

      Bello!

      Cut!

      Hey, Bob.

      Hello, King Bob.

      Uh…

      Welcome to Buckingham Palace.

      Uh, no.

      Oh, what’s the matter,

      Your Majesty?

      Whatever’s bothering you,

      we can make it right.

      Just name it!

      Oh.

      Buddies!

      Buddies! Buddies!

      Buddies!

      Oh.

      Uh…

      King Bob!

      Long live the king!

      King Bob!

      …Bob…

      …King…

      So…

      King Bob!

      Oh… Yeah!

      King Bob! Wait!

      – Wow!

      – Whoa!

      Whoo-hoo!

      Oh…

      Yee-haw!

      King Bob!

      Hyah!

      Hmm? Huh! Ah!

      Yes, King Bob. Oh.

      King Bob?

      King Bob?

      Ah, Claire.

      Mmm, Tiffany.

      Rawr!

      Ball!

      How dare you!

      Scarlet!

      Don’t you “Scarlet” me,

      you backstabbing little traitors!

      Using Herb’s invention

      to steal my crown?

      I feel used.

      Not gonna lie.

      You stole my dream!

      I was going to conquer England someday!

      There was gonna be a coronation,

      and I was going

      to be made Queen.

      Every moment was planned.

      I’d wear a dress so sparkly,

      it glowed!

      And everyone who ever doubted

      me would be watching,

      and they would be crying!

      I was going to be the picture

      of elegance and class!

      And you pinheads screwed it up!

      No, no, no!

      No, no, no, King Bob!

      You cannot just abdicate the throne!

      Who invited the square?

      And you definitely cannot just

      give the job to this woman!

      There are laws!

      Boss.

      …Boss.

      …Scarlet Popapil!

      King Bob has

      officially changed the law,

      clearing the way

      for Scarlet Overkill

      to be crowned Queen of England!

      She will be coronated at London’s

      historic Westminster Abbey.

      If I wasn’t so polite, I’d say this

      spells certain doom for the country,

      if not the world.

      But I’m so very polite that

      I shall keep my mouth shut.

      But, seriously,

      we’re all in big trouble.

      Scarlet! Scarlet!

      I don’t have time

      to answer any questions.

      I just want to thank the Minions

      for going above and

      beyond the call of duty.

      You are three tiny, golden…

      …pill-shaped

      miracle workers,

      and you have stolen not

      just England but my heart.

      Scarlet, over here!

      Pardon me?

      Eh?

      Wow! So many!

      Good for you!

      Well, you’ll all

      get what you deserve.

      Serve!

      …serve!

      Whoo-hoo!

      Oh.

      Go ahead, go ahead.

      Uh…

      Uh…

      I don’t want you to take this

      the wrong way, but I hate you.

      I thought I could get over what you did,

      but I feel so betrayed.

      I think…

      Yes, I think we’re gonna have to break up.

      And it’s not you.

      Wait, hold on.

      It is you. It’s 100% you!

      No, no.

      So get comfortable, Minions.

      Get real, real comfortable.

      Because this is where

      you’re going to spend

      the rest of your

      worthless little lives.

      All right!

      Let’s do this!

      Herb!

      Who’s this

      handsome “Herb” fella?

      No, my name is “Blerb.”

      I’m a dungeon master.

      Prepare for torture, which I do!

      All right, are we comfy?

      Doesn’t matter! This is torture!

      – Huh.

      – Oh.

      Wow! Harder than I thought.

      Next machine!

      Oh, welcome to Hang Town!

      Population, you!

      Oh.

      Whoo-hoo!

      Cut it out! This is

      really unprofessional!

      There’s no laughing

      in the dungeon!

      I wanna see tears and

      I wanna hear screams,

      or I’m gonna get… Wait!

      Hey!

      Ooh! I’ve got a groovy idea!

      Ah!

      Look at this!

      Argh!

      Hello!

      Will the future king, Herb Overkill,

      please come upstairs

      to prepare for the coronation?

      Well, I hope you learned

      your lesson for today.

      And by the way, it was me,

      Herb, the whole time!

      I don’t even know

      anyone named “Blerb”!

      Uh, Herb…

      Oh. Huh.

      I am hours away from becoming

      the Queen of England!

      I know! It’s a gas!

      I will finally get my crown.

      Yeah.

      It’s all I’ve ever wanted.

      I’m going to be so happy.

      But let me ask you

      something, Fabrice.

      Does that look like this to you?

      Mrs. Overkill, the hair in that picture,

      it’s just two wavy lines!

      Oh, so, what,

      now you’re an art critic?

      I drew that when I was five years old!

      Get out of my sight!

      Bye, Fabrice!

      I liked him. He was fun.

      So, what do you

      think of the dress?

      Oh, it’s so beautiful.

      So fashion-forward. So Valentino.

      Gave it a sweetheart neckline

      because you’re my sweetheart.

      The high collar

      and cinched waist

      reflect a simpler,

      more violent time.

      The material is a blend of taffeta

      and high-density body armor.

      Fully armed and loaded.

      And that glow, that’s nuclear.

      Nice. Just one more

      thing to do.

      Gotta look good for the public.

      Ugh.

      Do you mind?

      My pleasure.

      Little tighter, sweetie.

      Come on, I can take it.

      Little tighter.

      Tighter!

      Must have tiny waist.

      Seeing stars, seeing stars!

      Losing feeling in my legs. Perfect!

      Tie it, tie it, tie it, tie it.

      Huh?

      Ah. Bob! Stuart!

      Eh?

      – Ooh! Bello!

      – Ooh-ooh!

      Ah! Oh.

      Ah.

      Huh!

      Ah.

      – Eh, eh, Kevin…

      – …Scarlet.

      Ah!

      “Porry Scarlet.”

      – He, he!

      – …Boss.

      Oh.

      Ah, okay!

      Huh?

      I love you, Scarlet!

      Queen wave, queen wave!

      Queen waving!

      – I am so, so excited!

      – This is perfect!

      Everyone looks so nice!

      Oh! Oh, you are just adorable!

      Oh, yes!

      And that music, oh!

      Who is that organist? She is good!

      Right? She looks like an Edna.

      Edna, you are very good!

      Who was that? Whoa!

      Thanks for doing this, padre.

      Big fan. Uh-huh.

      Come here, let me squeeze you!

      Oh, you are so squishy!

      …Scarlet.

      Go, go, Go!

      Ouch! Ouch!

      …sayonara!

      Ciao…

      Bob…

      Stuart!

      Aww! Oo-ooh!

      Okay!

      Oh! Beh…

      Will you to your power

      cause law and justice…

      …Popapil!

      Oh!

      Ah…

      Hmm? Ah…

      Huh? Uh… Uh…

      Stopa!

      Bah!

      In mercy…

      No, no, no!

      Do you, Scarlet Overkill…

      Yeah!

      Huh? Oh?

      No!

      Uh, mmm…

      …Bob.

      I proclaim thee,

      Scarlet Overkill,

      the Queen of England!

      Oh! Huh?

      Kevin!

      Huh?

      Scarlet! Scarlet,

      my queen?

      Somebody help me!

      Come on, come on!

      Lift on two. One, two!

      One, two!

      Huh?

      Scarlet! You’re okay!

      He tried to kill me!

      Uh, no…

      Villains, this is no longer a coronation!

      It is an execution!

      Get them!

      Whoa, Nelly!

      Run, fellas, run!

      Come back here, you!

      Ah!

      Uh?

      Hyah!

      Aah!

      You’re mine!

      Stuart, Bob! Uh…

      Oops!

      Oh!

      Hey! I got one!

      Tim!

      Huh?

      Oh? Aww! Oh!

      Uh? Eh?

      Tim!

      Stuart! Bob!

      Buddies!

      Mind the gap.

      Mind the gap.

      Mind the gap!

      Mind the gap! Mind the gap!

      Mind the gap.

      Mind the gap!

      He won’t get away!

      He won’t escape us!

      Huh?

      What about this one?

      Why did the queen go to the dentist?

      To get her teeth crowned.

      Heh!

      Tell us another one, Lizzy!

      Uh, uh…

      – Bello!

      – Oh!

      It’s you.

      Everyone, this is one

      of the little fellows

      who stole the monarchy from me.

      And how’s that

      working out for you?

      Uh, Scarlet…

      Oh, yes, yes, I saw what

      was going on on the telly.

      Uh, telly?

      What was meant to

      be the coronation of

      Scarlet Overkill has

      gone terribly wrong as…

      Move!

      Kevin, Kevin,

      I know you’re out there.

      You think you’ve gotten away?

      Well, what do we have here?

      Bello!

      Oh, my goodness!

      Bob? Stuart?

      Which one shall I kill first?

      Little Bob? Stuart?

      Bob! Stuart!

      I will do it, Kevin,

      if you are not back here by dawn!

      Oh, my!

      No!

      …buddies!

      …Scarlet.

      There he is!

      Follow me!

      Ah! Ha-haa!

      Who the man, eh?

      Uh… Oh!

      Oh.

      Harder! It’s just my head.

      Oh, no!

      This way! Let’s get him!

      Go, go, go!

      No!

      Huh?

      Oh.

      Huh?

      Ultimate weapon initiated.

      Activation in three, two, one.

      Bello.

      Huh?

      …buddies!

      This is it, boys!

      Things do not look good for you.

      Oh, and I’m keeping the bear.

      Tim!

      You’re not gonna need him

      where you’re going.

      Heaven.

      Huh? Uh… Aah!

      Shoosh, shoosh,

      shoosh, shoosh! Oh!

      Huh? Ah!

      Bye-bye. Say bye-bye,

      Bob. Bye-bye!

      Huh?

      Oh, whoa!

      Wait, what? How did he…

      Hold my bear.

      Huh?

      Yippee! Whoo-hoo-hoo!

      Kevin!

      So, that’s your plan?

      Make yourself a bigger target?

      Huh?

      K-K-Kevin? Hey!

      …Kevin!

      Whoa!

      Ow!

      And so help me,

      I never wanna see another one of

      your goofy, bug-eyed

      faces ever again!

      Scarlet!

      Scarlet! Scarlet! What?

      Oh, you’ve gotta be kidding me!

      Oh no, you don’t!

      Whoa!

      And just for the record,

      my little deviled eggs,

      you can thank Kevin for what

      I’m about to do to you!

      Ow! Ow!

      Bob!

      Stuart! Buddies!

      Tony!

      Tom!

      Chris!

      You the man!

      Buddies! Mazel tov.

      Ugh! Ew!

      Ooh! Aah! Kevin! Kevin!

      Enough! This ends now!

      Kevin!

      You imbecile!

      Have fun exploding!

      Baby!

      What’s the rush?

      Got to get out of here!

      Let us go!

      No, no, no, no!

      Kevin!

      Kevin…

      Huh?

      Ha-ha! Whoo-hoo!

      Ooh!

      Stuart?

      Hmm.

      Bob?

      Okay.

      Ladies and gentlemen,

      we are here today to celebrate the Minions!

      Huh!

      The country owes you

      a great debt of gratitude.

      Bob, you were a wise and noble

      king for all of eight hours.

      So for you, I offer this tiny

      crown for your teddy bear, Tim.

      Oh, very good, Bob!

      Oh, spectacular!

      I’m so proud of you boys!

      Oh, Stuart.

      For you, I have this beautiful,

      super-duper, incredible…

      Ah!

      …snow globe!

      Eh? Poglobe?

      Uh, ze…

      And look, look,

      hours of excitement!

      Oh, uh…

      Yippee.

      Uh, eh, gracias.

      Stuart, we’re just

      messing with you!

      Don’t be mad at me,

      it was Kevin’s idea.

      Kevin!

      We have a much

      better surprise for you!

      …super mega ukulele!

      Uh… Wow!

      …poglobe.

      Thank you.

      Right. Uh…

      And finally, Kevin!

      You are a hero of

      the highest order.

      For your bravery and valor,

      I am knighting you.

      From here on out,

      you are Sir Kevin.

      Well done.

      What a beautiful moment!

      Kumbaya!

      Kumbaya!

      The nation, nay, the world was

      celebrating Kevin, Stuart and Bob.

      The last few thousand years were rough,

      no question,

      but things were

      finally going their way!

      Kevin had never been more proud.

      But something was missing.

      Yes, good show, good show!

      My crown is gone! It’s gone!

      Blimey!

      She’s lost the crown!

      Oh, my days!

      Scarlet?

      Scarlet! Hey!

      …Scarlet! Hey!

      They took everything from me!

      My castle! My reputation!

      Things look bleak,

      baby, I’m not gonna lie!

      But now at least

      I have my crown!

      Child, give me that back.

      No, I don’t think so!

      You have no idea who

      you’re messing with!

      I am the greatest

      super-villain of all time!

      Oh!

      Were you?

      B… B… Buddies…

      Ah!

      …Boss! Ha, ha!

      Get back! Are you really going

      to allow that little penguin

      to make off with my crown?

      Herb.

      I’m done.

      For me?

      Bye-bye!

      Big boss!

      And that is how

      the Minions found their new boss.

      He was cunning,

      he was evil, he was perfect.

      He was despicable.

      Huh?

      Banana!

      Banana!

      Banana!

      Banana! Banana! Banana!

      Banana!

      Cheese! Cheese! Cheese!

      Gru! Gru! Gru!

      Gru!

      Bob…

      Hey! Come back here!

      Freeze ray!

      2022-11-13 20:07:32 UTC 2