so, I finished and perfected the opening scene
for those that are interested, viola

please give me valid criticism

opening sequence
The sound of rain and wind was enveloping the town in the approaching storm. Street lights were tough to make out in the fog of the early morning, with the sun being nothing but a fading glow in the clouds, barely distinguishable from the occasional car, with its headlights piercing the vacant area. Few people were still in the shops of the bazaar, maybe staying the night to work, or maybe for some semblance of relaxation or calmness in a place away from home. Caiman sat in one of the booths of his coffee shop, with many books and drinks around the area. The faint sound of vinyl playing on an old jukebox in the corner of the shop echoed across the old building. At the same time, a small radio talked of the darker parts of recent history. A strange communicable disease had been causing incredibly painful and apparently permanent rashes, spreading at epidemic proportions. Caiman paid no mind. From experience, he felt like most radio news stations existed to just instill existential fear in the listeners. Nonetheless, he couldn’t rely on anyone else to tell him what was going on, so he had to occasionally tune in. He jumped at the sound of sirens, as three police cars and what looked like a S.W.A.T car zoomed by. He looked out the window in curiosity, then noticing someone rushing out of the fog. It was a middle aged man with a relatively skinny build. He looked to have a thick gray beard and a mullet of the same color. He had on a denim coat with a furred hoodie underneath. His pants looked stained red in some areas, and he had a rifle strapped around his sagging left shoulder. He was waving and calling out to the road, yelling for the cops.Caiman got up, contemplating either turning the lights off or maybe helping him. Caiman acted out of instinct, shutting the lights off and getting away from the door.
BLAM!
The glass of the door shattered. Caiman fell to the ground, now merely acting out of fight or flight. Before being able to do anything in self-defense, the man stepped through the broken door. His face was that of surprise and concern. After a moment of tense silence, he knelt down and extended a helping hand to Caiman. He backed up, distancing himself from the stranger.  The man looked as if he was about to speak, but instead he fell backwards at the pull of what seemed to be another person. Upon further examination, it was not. He landed hard on the patio, and the zombie bit into his neck, ripping his skin open to reveal muscle and flesh underneath. He tried his best to shoot it, but instead the draugr threw the rifle aside. It slid across the linoleum floor, resting at Caimans side. He picked it up, holding it steady in his hands. The zombie had eviscerated the neck of the man. It leered its bloodied head up, turning to face Caiman. It didn’t look human, or of the likeness of any of the other species. Where it should’ve had a normal face, there was what seemed to be the wooden husk of a skeleton, with the only resemblance to something living was its piercing blue-ish white eyes. It rushed up, and in a millisecond Caiman reacted, shooting the draugr in the knee, causing it to collapse onto the floor. It squirmed on the floor, letting out piercing screeches as it writhed.