I tried to translate it using multiple sites and couldn’t get chicken scratch either

It’s a **mock-Shakespearean insult/retort**—basically a very elaborate, theatrical way of saying:

“You told me to shut up, but you have no authority over me. I’ll speak if I want. If you don’t like it, stop reading and mind your own business.”

Here’s the meaning broken down in plain English:

* **Tone & style:**
Written in faux-old English to sound dramatic, witty, and cutting. The archaic language is used to make the insult feel clever rather than crude.

* **Core message:**

* The speaker rejects being told to “shut up.”
* They mock the other person’s supposed authority, intelligence, and confidence.
* They assert their right to speak freely.
* They tell the listener that if the words bother them, they should leave instead of trying to silence others.

* **Key metaphors translated:**

* *“Crowned by wisdom”* → You act like you’re smart and in charge, but you’re not.
* *“Wobbling cap of folly”* → You’re foolish and pretending otherwise.
* *“My voice is not a tavern door”* → You can’t just slam me shut.
* *“Noble snail… shell of thy scrolling thumb”* → If you don’t like it, scroll away.
* *Final line* → A polite-sounding but very clear “shut yourself up instead.”

* **Overall intent:**
Not to argue logically, but to **humiliate with wit**, assert independence, and entertain onlookers.

In short: it’s a **verbose, classy-sounding clapback**—more about style and dominance than actual debate.

That’s a lot of asterisks