Just yesterday, my younger brother felt something on his back while he was lying down. He was, like, terrified. He asked if I could check if there was anything there, so I did. There was absolutely nothing. Of course, being the oldest sibling, I couldn’t NOT take advantage of this situation ripped straight from the pages of oldest sibling heaven, so I just gasped the most dramatic and fake gasp ever. He, now shaking, asked what it was, as planned. I told him that it was the biggest, hairiest spider I had ever seen. Now he was REALLY scared. He, absolutely mortified, asked me to kill it. I told him that I was not touching that thing, saying it would probably kill me or something. He told me I could do anything, as long as it would kill this spider. So, I grabbed my glass of ice cold water, and dumped a generous amount all over his shoulder and back, right before he was about to go to sleep. He asked if it was gone, and I said yeah. Then, he asked what the spider was like, and I responded, “Imaginary.” Then I walked away, more smug than I had ever been in my entire life.