Hey bro, I understand you’re facing some issues here, so, i wanna throw my own coin into the mix, i wanna help you, like everyone else on the site, like most likely everyone you’ve ever met and even those you’ve never met.
You, me and everyone around us, is special. No, not special as in autism special, that’s just me. I mean by that we’re all inherently unique, we are our own person and no one else will ever be us again. Mussolini tried to be Ceaser, we know how much of a laugh he was. Point is, you are an incredibly unique person with your own motives and history and appearance and likings, etc, i can’t name em’ all. All i know about your history is that you started off here as a weirdo but slowly matured over time until you got to where you are now, respected by even the most higher up of peeps, yours truly included. However, i know that is merely the zest of the giant orange of history you have (i’m sorry, my way of explaining things tends to be weird, lol), were you to tell everyone in the world exactly what your life has been, from start to finish, not one could tell you the full story, it’s too much information, and it’s bound to be full of hella greatness.

My dude bro, listen to papa Epitaph. Go to your parent or guardian or any other person very close to your heart and tell them about this, talk to them about your issues and your worries, they will help you. I’ve helped about 5 people now with suicidal thoughts and none of them have killed themselves. We all helped them, we helped to muster their courage to face their fears and push through the grief.
Stay strong Butters’, you’ll push through this, you got this my man.