Log 10.
Man, it’s been almost 2 years since the last log. Well, a lot has happened since then so this is gonna be a long ass post.

I’m going to break this up into sections.

Me and Bella, (That one friend I’ve known for 6 years.)

Me and my brother.

School

New friend.

So Me and Bella started hanging out a lot but then we started to hang out less and less and I started to become less attracted to her. Something is very wrong and very diffrent. But I didn’t let that change anything. I still helped her when I could and tried to be as good of a friend I could be for her. She has this baby sister named Baylor. She is adorable and I loved helping to take care of her. I always felt protective of Baylor. I looked up why cause I was curious and that somehow kicked in some shits called father instincts. Which explains a lot tbh. I have a habit of always wanting to take care and make sure everyone is OK.
Anyway eventually I started to dislike Bella. For 6 years she never texted first, said hi just to say hi. It always seemed so one sided. Only time she would come to me is if she was bored and was always the last pick. The entire thing was one sided. I tested her multiple times to see if she cared. The test basically was me not texting her at all for an extended period of time to see if she would notice. (I text her often.) Anyway she didn’t and eventually I told her everything about how I felt and I ended the paragraphs with
“If you really see me as a friend then actually reply to this.”
I got left on read.
And that was the end of our 6 year friendship. With it turing out I was being used for 6 years.
I fucking hate her.

And now me and my brother.
He continued to abuse me emotionaly and mentally. For those that don’t know he is 2 years older than me and he would constantly set me up for failure and made me seem like a terrible person to my parents. My parents didn’t trust me and I was always grounded while he got away with everything. If I tried to do something by myself he would bud in and change it to his liking. He manipulated me a lot and made everything harder than it should be. He did that cause he enjoyed seeing me have breakdowns. I hated him but I couldn’t do anything to stop it. I was stuck in a corner. Eventually my parents caught on and he was pissed about it and constantly rose hell. Eventually he moved out but that wasn’t the end of that. He called CPS claiming my parents are drug dealers and that they abuse me and him.
He called my biological dads side of the family and turned them against my mom and my step dad.
He later called the bank and somehow convinced them that my mom was 500,000$ in debt. It worked and my mom’s bank account got frozen. It was later fixed.
After all this shit we tried to have him arrested for this cause some of these are illegal. The police let him go.
At one point he pulled me out of class and showed me texts from my aunt that she is here in Michigan in the same city as me but she didn’t want me to know. Then I face timed my aunt and my brother had her wrapped around his finger.
I haven’t talked to him in over a year.
When he moved out he did go to jail for 1 night tho cause cops got involved in a domestic disturbance. Anyway starting on October 19 when I found out he is out of jail I started having night terrors nearly every single night. An average 5.5 night terrors a week. This went on from October 19, 2019 all the way to mid February of 2021. 1.5 years.
I didn’t know I was having night terrors for most of it. I was so shocked when I found out.

And now school. School has been not so fun. So I’m autistic and I struggle to remember and learn things as any autistic kid would. Anyway I went to the 9th grade and failed hard. Mostly E’s. So obviously I restarted the 9th grade and I was doing worse than before so I gave up. I ignored all my classes and did what I wanted. I completely gave up. I eventually got put into Special Ed classes. They were no diffrent from normal class. The only real difference was that instead of like 30 kids there’s now 10. We still learned the same stuff at the same pace.
And then I wanted to drop out cause I am going to school and wasting 7 hours everyday for nothing. The school did everything they could to not get me to drop out. So instead I brought up the idea of going to an Alt School.
For those that don’t know an Alt School is for kids who have a severely hard time learning, like me. They agreed to let me go on one condition. I have to pass 1 year of normal school. I want to go to an alt school because I can’t pass normal school but in order to go I need to pass a year of normal school.
Fuck. That.
So I started researching on how to drop out. The school counselor said I can’t drop out, it’s illegal, blah blah blah. One day I showed everything saying I can in fact do it and they said and I quote “You still can’t.”
Anyway the reason why they wanted to keep me so bad is that they get an extra 5-10 thousand dollars for every year they…[Read more]