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Explosive Bullet
2019-05-27 14:05:42 UTC What do you guys think of this guys comment on PL? Please be honest. You won’t hurt my feelings if you agree with him. But to see my side in his side, go into the comment section of PL Episode 2 to find the comment and read it all.
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First I need to watch the series actually… Welp.
I guess I will give you criticism while I would still be fresh on it lmao.
So like I was after ep 1 few hours ago and I was writing on the go.
Here’s how the whole episode was playing in my mind
https://justpaste.it/5u8vf
Thanks. A lot right here.
-Animation in Episode 1 is certainly rough. Episode 2 improves on that.
-Showing the wars and things of the past would really crunch the context of the whole thing and im not too sure on how the showing to explain for the intro would work. Not too sure on that one.
-Since theres no music available that would fit, I decided to replace it with background sound. Though for some dialogue scenes I might attempt to add some music if I can find some music that’s fitting.
-Text is something I plan on cutting down on. It’s less of an issue in Episode 2, but still an issue, I will definetly focus on fixing that. I can agree with the guy on that, but on the other hand of the entire series being extremely boring and nothing but that, I can’t agree with that and everyone else also can’t. Though everyone can agree that the dialogue gets boring, as you mentioned.
-Once again this is back when I avoided adding music as it’s insanely hard to find. It also didn’t seem necessary for Dylan loading up. Non copyright music to be exact is something I can’t find. I do the same scene in Episode 2, except I fix everything mentioned with the addition of music.
-Like most big storylines, there isn’t exactly a main character, but there’s a few. Though the one who’s mostly the main character right now is Dylan, this comes more clear in Episode 2 as it really wasn’t that clear in episode 1.
-It isn’t exactly supposed to be a evil dude as the antagonist at the moment. At this point the plot is mostly man vs society or society vs society. Several types of plot that can occur in a storyline. In the real world military
There was a bunch more that I typed here but for some reason the website bronked. But summarized, I agree with most of that. Most of that is fixed in episode 2. Except for the paragraphs.
I think you should have introduced more characters over time. Also I have a book called “Everythings guide to writing your first novel” and it really helps me get more in depth with storytelling. Here’s some tips I got from them:
1. Start your scenes as late as possible, like imagine a person going out of home, then to a shop, and tempted to steal a thing, only to be caught later on. The best spot would be to do it right when character is arrested.
2. End as early as possible, you know. Have it break suddenly at the most OH SHIT momemnt.
3. Establish as early as possible what the characters actually want, their goal.
4. Don’t make dialogue exposition dump. Have events unroll. Also remember the golden rule of “show, not tell”. When doing backstory, make small tiny bits of it of things that would make character recall. But not too much, have it come puzzling bit by bit, creating new entire plot.
So I should introduce more characters each episode? If so I might try to bump it up a little bit. I think most of the issues I find are all dying down to the text and how much there is of it. That and how much I really have gotten on the series as of right now. And from my guess you are thinking I should start at a powerful area or event of someones life to introduce them, in which that sounds really good. I like the idea and will certainly put it into play. The whole thing about characters mentioning little bits of their past time from time, but I’m not too sure I would like to do that with every character. Cause not every character is like that in their personalities. Though I will do it for a few since it’s a great way to bring it out. Thanks for all this. Something tells me this is gonna help alot when I make episode 3.
Nonono with more characters. I meant when you should have started episode 1 with one or two main characters. And bulid up over time.
So keep a steady pace on how many characters are introduced overtime? Alright. Got it.
It’s best to introduce characters when it’s their time. Don’t dump everything at once, like episode 1 was like a dump of like… 4-5 main characters? More? I don’t even know goals of any character and can’t empathise with any. Keep it slow. Sometimes entire arc can be skipped and character could be introduced at the last moment when it’s needed. It also simplifies the story and marks start-finish of the character’s appearance in the plot.
Just wrote down my point of view while watching ep 2. It definitelly has some improvement to it, yet still few mistakes here and there. Also threw in a good action example there with it.
Link is the same btw.
https://justpaste.it/5u8vf
Thanks. I think I might steer clear of the full 30 minutes. Especially hitting it exact as I should focus more on delivering the plot for that episode rather than getting the time like you mentioned. I don’t animate the times where people are talking primarily to allow people to read what’s going on instead of looking at the movements in the background. That and it causes a bit of trouble for the time of production for the video. You got a point for the explaining of the past thing, though, it’s necessary at the moment for the immersion and moment a character learns something new. Though did it have to be as detailed as it was? No. So I’ll cut down on that when I run into those moments. I also agree on some dialogue being not so important. I’ll try to fix that up too. I prefer to avoid adding text mid battle anyway, though sometimes it adds to conflict. But I will try to improve on it. Make the lines in action short. Really short. Not a paragraph shorter. Much shorter. Scenery is a big player in PL for story as it shows how diverse the world is. I will certainly continue running the scenery changes. They don’t quite know him, and they don’t address him by his name at all for that reason. Though that is a bit of a rough way to run as it creates issues with consistency. Though they know who he is cause before Dylan and Centinel headed seperate ways, Centinel did mention he was going to head for the data center to find where exactly the prisoner is. I felt it wasn’t too necessary to shift viewpoints to show what centinel was doing when the prison break is one small segment in the story. The characters where all standing in different areas in the action scene. Through the overview of the scenery, theres the container which both Dylan and EB jump behind. For cover. Centinel takes the crates strategically to divert the fire. They then move up to the elevator to head up to the roof. 3 changes in scenery. So far. They didn’t move for the reason that there was no other cover. They drew fire off of each other to beat the opposing force here. I couldn’t have them jump out from cover firing recklessly as it’s meant to take a realistic approach. Every injury counts. Big fights being against a powerful opposition is something I will definetly keep in mind when I make a big fight scene. The smoke from smoke grenades is very thick in real life. Even small cascades of it will block your vision. Yeaj, they are going at high speed it which the smoke will not follow too much, but the windshield being blocked by a bunch of smoke is the expectation here. Especially when it isn’t aerodynamic. That characters design is a little brighter than other which will differenciate him more, but him as a character, he’s not a meme character. He won’t be. The characters being in different clothing hasn’t been necessary yet exept for Dylan being deployed in the first episode. Also yeah, the paragraphs didn’t disappear in this one. This is something I see now. Originally I though peoplenwere talking about the legth at which the dialogue hung around. So that is already being fixed. The ending scene was kinda meant to leave a pointer to where the 3rd episode will be focused on. If it weren’t already pushing me beyond the time I wanted to work on it, I would have done the entire scene. Though, I didn’t plan on doing much more, just planned on leaving a pointer to drive hype for the next episode.
“i” feel like the action needs some more oomph but other than that the series is completely fine in terms of story
8/10 story wise
Thanks. Though I will agree with him on how the walls of text become a little bit much. Though, his idea that the whole thing as boring is a bit much.
he subbed you, tho…
He did. But he wants to hear from you guys. And if he wants that, then I’ll give it to him. But truth is, he’s oddly going on the attack here.
I disagree
……..?
With the mans comment
I like the dialogue between everyone
To a degree I do too. To say the story is stale is very wrong. But I will agree with him on the amount of dialogue.
the series is so föcking neat like…… it was ultimately smooth
So this guys comments isn’t particularily something you agree with? I might agree with him on the large amount of dialogue thrown out at once.
yeah…..at some point
Alright. Thanks.
You need to learn how to not make every spoken word into an Exposition dump tbh.
yeah
stopped watching like a minute into the second episode because of this
as a person who is actually learning how to write good stories and dialogue the dialogue in this hurts my soul
A minute in is a very small amount of time to allow a video of that length to pick up in all honesty. Though like in episode 1 and apocalypse, lines are way to long. I can agree on that and will change it. Though the majority of the guys comment I don’t particularily agree with.
Agreeable that some of the text is long. Well. Alot of it. Now that I’ve looked back at it, and compared it to some big shows, theres much shorter lines fit inbetween characters. But I wouldn’t go so far as to say the whole series is extremely boring. Not even the dialogue, though it’s all a bit much.
I’d have to watch your series to see, but if it’s just constant shooting and fighting then yea I guess it could get boring.
Drama? but it’s comedic sometimes¯\_(ツ)_/¯
It has all sorts of fighting, dialogue, in between movements and all that other stuff. Not much more to add besides that stuff. But there is room for improvement on that stuff.
…
At times it does get a bit wall of texty
I feel like you should break it into parts, like
“Blah blah blah blah something something”
Then he moves a bit
“Blah blah blah something or other”
That would make it go quicker, make the viewer feel less over whelmed, and would make it easier to read what they say
I feel like every time a wall of text comes, I get an ‘ahh shit here we go again’ feeling, because I don’t want to deal with reading every single sentence that seems unnecessarily long.
But apart from that, the animation and story is really good.
The text amount, 100% right on. Short line thing is how other storylines succeed so well. Long paragraphs should be uncommon. And honestly, me being the one who made it can agree that it overwhelms me with text. But in terms of story and animation, the thing is good. So really is this guy correct on the story and how entertaining it is?
It’s very entertaining, but the story’s is slightly confusing, but if you read it, it works.
Kinda what I think. A complex story often makes a really good one.
User Banned
Action and design is A tier
However, i will agree with him that the conversation sections can get boring and take up far too much time
Plus the lore isn’t explained very well, more in exposition dumps rather than clever writing.
Maybe you should try more physical story telling like you see in gritty war films where you learn the story through the action and stuff going on rather than through speech
Thanks. Conversation sections is what I can agree upon. Me being the one who made the whole thing and getting annoyed on reading the paragraphs all at once is certainly an issue. In terms of lore, the first two episodes have been largely introduction, though lore isn’t too much the focus as several nations have only been mentioned. With the NLCO being the base of the plot in the story and them being introduced slightly in Episode two and soon much more in episode 3, lore is gonna be dry. Kinda like Halo: Combat Evolved was. There was mentions of a recent ware that they had escaped and the small bit of info about what the halo rings are about. This is where I plan to really dig right into in the next episode. Episode 2 of PL is on a much lower end of the rising action area on a plot diagram. The action isn’t going to be much and theres still alot of mystery yet to be revealed which ends up drawing interest. Though once again with episode 3 being a big one where a lot is going to be released, it will be shoing visually the merciless nature of the NLCO. Though the first two episodes look beautiful, the enviroments are pristine and this is going to change very quickly as more wars break out. But I certainly will keep the text thing in mind, cause that annoys even me. But in terms of the whole series being extremely boring from this guys comment, that’s something that I can’t quite get around. Aside from the paragraphs of dialogue. But admitably, there’s gotta be more lore explained and that addition will fit in nice with the dialogue.
User Banned
Here’s what you do
Take the Halo CE route to explaining lore all the way throughout
Quick, entertaining and snappy talking sections with lots of character expression, followed up by pure entertainment in the form of action, suspense, all of that.
Easy, but that’s gotta start with shorter lines.
User Banned
Exactly
lmao i speed read all dialogue so i didnt notice the issue with dialogue times
Yeah. Time when you’re speed through is. While this guy has a point on the paragraphs, he isn’t really sticking to that as he recently just contradicted that, and the story being stale, no.
and i wasnt attacking the point lol
Yeah, I know. Just lining out my thoughts.